Why Saying No is an Essential Investment in Your Wellbeing and How to Do It
Saying no is difficult.
When you say no, you risk creating conflict, upsetting people, and getting a reputation for being negative and unhelpful.
And then there's the FOMO (fear of missing out)...
But learning to say no might be the most important investment you make in your wellbeing ever.
Why Should You Say No?
I’m allergic to motivational quotes as a rule – especially when they are unattributed – but this one hits hard:
Saying NO often means you can say YES to things that matter.
As does this one:
Sometimes, you must say NO to others to say YES to yourself.
You create space to focus on what's important when you say no to things that don't align with your core beliefs and priorities.
One of my core beliefs is that I need to take care of my mental health and wellbeing to do my best work and be my best self; this is an underpinning principle of wellbeing-driven productivity.
To do this, sometimes, we have to say no (my go-to technique is number nine).
How to Say No
Here are nine ways to say no.
1. Unambiguous No
Be unambiguous – use the word no immediately; be clear, and don't waffle. Walk away if you have to.
2. Broken Record No
The broken record technique works in more heated discussions. Calmly but firmly repeat your no. For example: "No, this simply cannot happen today, no, as I explained…"
3. Empathetic No
Acknowledge how the other person will feel when you say no but still say it. Empathise. Validate that person's feelings if they need it, for example, "No, I cannot – I know you will be upset and disappointed, but…"
4. Win-Win No
Offer two alternatives that better suit your needs. For example, if a colleague asks, "Do you have a minute to talk about something?" and you are busy and want to say no, offer two wins. For example, "I'd love to talk to you. I can speak to you at 10 am on my break or at 4 pm when I have finished my project work. What is your preference?"
5. No + Because
Following your "no" with "because..." can, in certain circumstances, remove ambiguity.
6. No + Alternative
Offer an alternative: "No, I cannot do this for you, but what I can do is…"
7. No + Body Language
Use your body language and facial expression to reinforce your no – ensure your face matches your message.
8. No + Consequences
The no + consequences strategy can work well when a line manager asks you to do something you consider unreasonable. Rather than reacting emotionally, calmly explain, "If I do this now, then X will not get completed – what is your preference?" It's not a direct no, but it is still an effective strategy in the right circumstances.
9. Defer Your Decision
If someone asks you to do something, defer the decision, for example, "I'll give you an answer in 24 hours". This method works well if you are unsure what your response should be or when the "no" will be difficult because of who is asking. Always follow up – it is important to be reliable – but a bit of time between the request and the answer makes it easier to say no. It also gives you time to assess your workload commitments accurately.
This is my go-to "say no" strategy.
Saying No at Work
Deciding when to say no at work is complicated. I recommend focusing on your life's priorities and core beliefs when deciding between yes and no, and I stand by that. However, in the workplace, you have a job description to consider. Clearly, you cannot simply say no to the bits of your job you do not like.
Say no at work when you are asked to do something unreasonable or something outside the scope of your role. Anything that forces you to sacrifice your wellbeing is a hard no. Your employer benefits when you are happy and well – everyone wins.
Final Thought
Of course, you shouldn't say no to everything, but at the very least, make it an option. Saying no now might create an extraordinary opportunity for Future You.
Deploy your yes with care – ensure you are in the right place mentally and physically to act on it.
